Desi Diarrhea

India Impresses in the Winter Olympics - Zero Medals

2010-03-07T10:04:00.001-08:00

Been a while but I was so impressed by India's performance in the Olympic Winter Games that I had to break my silence and write a post. Why was India's performance so impressive? Because it is hard in a country of 1 billion people to be able to actively not find anyone with talent enough to win a single medal.

Just one.

But India doesn't have the weather to do these sports you might argue? Perhaps but then India would do amazing in the summer olympics since the country has an abundance of summer weather.

Here's my plan for India's winter games future:

Find sports which are less popular and hence less competitive
Find sports that work with the Indian physique (luge, skeleton where skinny, Indian dudes might do well)
Find sports which require less athletic talent (curling anyone)
Become vocal advocates for new sports including "Ice Carom" or "Snow Cricket" which India might be advantaged in

Pathetic!

Losing you hair. Avoid trichology. It's a scam.

2008-03-22T07:22:00.000-07:00

So as I get older, a bunch of my friends are starting to lose their hair. And so it's fun to hear all the crazy crap they do to try to preserve their hair. Herbal remedies, rubbing various essential oils and crap on their scalp, drinking some terrible smelling concoctions, buying expensive shampoos, etc etc. They continue to lose their hair unfortunately (although it is pretty damn funny at times) and also seem to be losing money chasing all these dreams for a full head of hair.

Sometimes, however, one of my friends tells me he is trying to do something which seems super expensive and like a bad idea which I try to advise against. They never listen, but I guess the fear of losing one's hair is so powerful that normally smart guys will do dumb things.

My one good friend (Joe for this post) is fanatical about keeping his hair. When I say fanatical, I mean that no conversation goes by without Joe lamenting about his hair loss. He is maniacal about it - to the point of being neurotic. He does the proven stuff, e.g, propecia, rogaine, laser comb, etc and short of committing a crime, he will try pretty much anything else. And so he called me a couple of weeks ago excited that he found the cure - a science called trichology. Basically, trichology and the people who practice it (trichologists) are supposed hair loss specialists. There is lots of stuff on the net about this "discipline" he said so he was convinced it was legitimate.

He paid a few hundred dollars for a consultation with a trichologist - "some British guy" per him. He came back fuming from his visit. Basically, the trichologist said "You're doing the right stuff already and it seems that this part of genetic hair loss. What you are doing may slow it down but can't stop it." WOW. That is some insight. So if you're doing the legitimate stuff, you're probably not going to get much benefit from a "trichologist". It sounds impressive to say you have gone to a course and have studied the science of trichology, but this seems like a made up science.

Going forward, please call me a blogologist.

For those who want a hot Indian girl, maybe this will help

2008-01-17T14:39:00.000-08:00

So my friend swears that this program called I Want a Hot Indian Girl has changed his life and helped him meet, date, and sleep with hot Indian girls. When he told me this, I laughed my tail off and made fun of him for a good 20 minutes along with several other friends.

I looked at the site and then laughed at him more. I'm married so I have no idea if this thing works, but the site is entertaining for sure. He swears (my friend that is) that this book has changed his life. He does seem to do well with the ladies, but I refuse to believe a book containing "strategies" about how to get a hot Indian girl helped him achieve this.

The guy who wrote the book dubs himself The Indian Legend (I can't make this stuff up. I told you it was ridiculous). If you are married, a homo or a white supremacist and therefore have no interest in hot Indian girls, I'd still say goto the site just for a good laugh. Crazy f'in people out there.

BTW, have to check out this guy's blog. The entry about AILFs (Aunties I'd Like to F^ck) is highly disturbing.

Happy New Year! Mr Natwarlal is back...

2008-01-14T21:47:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time my friends (and enemies). I was consumed with "real work" so have been away from my trusty blog. But I'm back. And better than ever. Keep checking back for more explosive brown thoughts on Desi Diarrhea.

Sean Stewart - No talent spoiled b1tch AND racist - what a winner

2007-05-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

So there is a show on A&E called "Sons of Hollywood" which "tracks the daily lives of three scions of Hollywood: Randy Spelling, son of the prolific television producer, the late Aaron Spelling; Sean Stewart, son of music legend Rod Stewart; and rising talent manager David Weintraub."

In short, the show is terrible. But that's not why I'm writing about it. I just saw an episode where the 3 guys are cooking an Indian dinner for their moms. And during dinner, Sean Stewart makes several racist remarks towards an Indian man, BabaG, who helped them cook dinner and offers them a bunch of new-age yoga mysticism and the like. The comments ranged from "all you Indians looked the same" to various camel references and other unimaginative yet highly racist remarks.

Before I get to Sean, my first comment is to commend BabaG for figuring out a way to exploit these clueless, rich white kids out of their dad's money by selling a bunch of packaged b.s. eastern mysticism. In their pursuit of being deep, "finding themselves" and getting out of their parents' shadows (who actually achieved something), BabaG has figured out a lucrative niche to make some money. Kudos to BabaG. And I love the name.

Now to druggie, loser, racist f@ck Sean Stewart. For those who haven't seen the show, Sean is more talentless than Paris Hilton (to give you a sense for what we're dealing with). He is pursuing a music career and even his dad tells him he is talentless. He whines about the lack of support from his mommy & daddy when he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and has lived off their achievements for his brief, very unremarkable life. At some point, Sean will overdose on some drugs/booze, and as a result, the world actually will be a better place.

A&E should apologize to the Indian community for Sean's racist tirade. If he'd said the same thing about blacks or Hispanics AND more than 5 people watched the show, there'd be an outcry.

If you have a second, drop a line to A&E and tell them that Sean's racist Indian comments are not acceptable and that they should apologize. In your email, you may also want to suggest they give Sean some cocaine so we can accelerate his demise and removal from the planet.

Click the contact us link on the A&E site to make your comment. It can be found at http://www.aetv.com/sons-of-hollywood/.

American Idol -- Vote for Sanjaya

2007-04-07T05:49:00.000-07:00

Vote for the half-Desi! So Sanjaya is not a good singer. And he's a bit fruity with his hula dancing and sometimes FOB moustache, but I do acknowledge that he's not a bad entertainer with his hair and effeminate dancing. More importantly, it would be hilarious if he won American Idol. It would be very American if he won, in fact, especially when tons of non-talented people are what regularly are talked about in the USA - Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, etc. America loves stories and personalities - not talent. So vote for Sanjaya for American Idol. Maybe it'll be Sanjaya for President next.

Also, Simon has said he'd leave Idol if Sanjaya wins. It would be great if Sanjaya won and we got to see an Indian symbolically stick to it the Brit in the year of our 60th anniversary of independence from Britain. Mere bharat mahan.

Check out votefortheworst.com who along with Howard Stern have led the push for Sanjaya.

Vote for Sanjaya as the next American Idol!!

Indian men have little penises - This is not going to help us get chicks

2006-12-09T07:10:00.000-08:00

It doesn't seem to be hurting our baby making prowess, however. The Indian Council of Medical Research has surveyed 1000 Indian men and found that condoms made to international standards are too large for Indian men, and as a result, they've asked for more varied sizing for condoms.

I find this article and study hilarious and disturbing. The fact that they had "Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre. " So how does one get enrolled in such a study? Does someone come upto you at train station while you are waiting and say "Since there are a few minutes until the train shows up, would you mind looking at this girlie magazine so that you can get aroused and so that we can measure your cock?" In conservative ol' India where guys are embarassed to buy condoms, I am curious as to how this study was conducted.

It's disturbing because "about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter". We are not talking about millimeters here my friends. This is a full 3 to 5 centimeters shorter. That is a major penis problem. I wonder how the other 40% stack up.

And on a serious note, this is a real problem "because about one in every five times a condom is used in India it either falls off or tears, an extremely high failure rate. And the country already has the highest number of HIV infections of any nation."

I'm sure all the men reading this are wondering how they stack up. This definitely does very little to bring up our international stature. So gents, get out your rulers and see how you fair. For those on the small side, don't despair. "It's not the size of the wave, it's the motion of the ocean." For unscrupulous entrepreneurs, there is probably a huge market in India for penis enlargement pills and devices.

An Indian website about sexual health - Oh my GOD!

2006-07-08T11:30:00.000-07:00

Finally, an Indian website that talks about sex and sexual health openly. While the picture to the left might make you think this site (http://www.sexualhealth.co.in) is dedicated to safe sex education and the like, it certainly isn't. It's a pretty open discussion on topics related to sexual health. And in a country where we obviously like to have sex, some good healthy discussion on the topic is certainly useful.

But don't get me wrong. Beyond the education and interesting discussion the site offers the juvenile in me some pretty amusing reading material. A few of my favorites are listed below:

Enjoy. And maybe you'll learn something.

India is the 12th wealthiest nation in the world

2006-07-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

We love patting ourselves on the back. I can always rely on my trusty friends at Rediff.com to ensure that Indians can read about how great we are or how great India is. The latest news based on a report by the World Bank is that India is the 12th wealthiest nation in the world based on GDP. India is ahead of Australia, Mexico and Russia which is somehow noteworthy. This is good news as it does show India's emergence in the world. But let's not let all the good news that Indian journalists like to throw out delude us in any way. The gap between rich and poor is widening. Illiteracy, poverty and corruption remain rampant as do the prevalance of diseases such as malaria, typhoid, etc. The list goes on. It's a good start, but there is much more work to be done....

India is #1 in shopping

2006-07-06T15:42:00.000-07:00

Notice to companies/entrepreneurs. If you didn't already realize India was a huge opportunity, here is more evidence. Not only are more Indians in India making good money, but we're not shy about spending it according to a recent survey. India has a lower savings rate than other Asian countries as well which is yet another indication of our propensity to spend.

Interestingly, Indians love to shop for clothes. "A third of Chinese consumers and one fifth of Indians say clothes shopping is their favourite thing to do," per the survey. I say interesting because I find most guys in India wear jeans that are entirely too tight.

Link to my blog and get FAMOUS!

2006-07-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

Ok not really, but it would still be cool. If you are a fellow blogger, website owner, etc, let's exchange links. As readers know, I am looking to juice up the # of visitors Desi Diarrhea gets. I purchased a spot on The Crorepati a couple weeks ago and that has juiced traffic significantly (4 to 5 times higher per day since then), but I am GREEDY and I want MORE!

So to this end, I'm initiating a link exchange request/call to action with fellow bloggers, websites, etc that see this. Just link to Desi Diarrhea (www.blogspot.desidiarrhea.com) on your site and leave a comment with the following:

1. Name of your site
2. Url where link is

I'll then add your site to my blog and post a comment back when done. Pretty simple. You have more links to you and I have more to me. Of course, if your site is adult-oriented or otherwise containing content not suitable for most, I may stay a while to enjoy it myself, but I might not be able to link to you (and I'll let you know).

Won't you help me bring Diarrhea to more people?

Thanks,
Mr N

India needs more movies about lesbians - but only HOT lesbians

2006-07-03T09:48:00.000-07:00

May I see your panties? Hottie "Perizaad Zorabian might just be playing the role of a lesbian in an English film titled When Kiran met Karen...It is about an Indian woman, living in New York who discovers another facet to her sexuality. She has an affair with a Chinese woman. The film will be directed by New-Jersey based Manan Katohora."

Alright, so I'm pretty sure this movie is going to suck. Mainly cuz my previous experiences with lesbians (Indian lesbian movies that is) are with Fire and Girlfriend. Sure they were controversial and got some idiot politicians and their chamchas (aka cronies) riled up, but as far as film making goes, these were both pretty terrible movies.

That said, I am strongly in favor of movies about lesbians if the following 3 rules are followed:

1. Cast only hot Indian actresses to play lesbians -- Have you ever seen a real-life lesbian who is hot? Neither have I. A movie about 2 Indian women who fall in love is only interesting if I want to imagine myself somehow sandwiched between them. Casting two realistic looking lesbians who resemble chubby 14 year old boys more than women is not a good thing and should be avoided.

2. Make it more graphic -- I'm not asking for pornography. But at least show some kissing and boob grabbing. Make it interesting. Please.

3. Please work on the plot -- Alright, I get the point that lesbianism is forbidden, taboo and against Indian culture and values. Blah blah blah. Please do more than this to put a twist on the story. Maybe take a page out of Bollywood/Hollywood scripts and do one of the following:

2 lesbians who can't be together because one's family is rich and the other poor. Substitute Hindu and Muslim for this or better yet, a rich Hindu lesbian loving a poor Muslim one. Courtesy: Bollywood
A lesbian who was separated from her family when young who stumbles upon them through a series of bizarre coincidences after meeting her lesbian lover. But before reuniting with them, she and her lesbiotic lover must overthrow an evil gangster boss who is making her family's life miserable. Courtesy: Bollywood
A killer Indian lesbian robot is sent from the future to kill a lesbian who will lead a citizen's resistance movement in the future. At its most climactic scene, the killer Indian lesbian robot is about to kill the other lesbian when she realizes she loves her. Then a filmi song starts and both killer and victim lesbian dance in the rain. Courtesy: H/Bollywood

Manan Katohora who is directing this new movie is smart for doing this because although the movie will suck (I'll bet money on this), he's sure to get some controversy going which will get people to see wondering what the buzz is about. And then he has a large market of repressed Indian males out there who will definitely pay for imagery depicting 2 girls getting it on. God knows I'll be there.

Cheers to lesbianism.

The newest scam - Vaastu Shastra for your website

2006-07-01T17:59:00.000-07:00

How are they going to get your website to face north? So ingenius Indians looking to take money from all other Indians who are a bit too gullible have started offering Vaastu Shastra for websites. "Just as the world comprises of the five basic elements, each Web site has five elements and these need to be in balance with one another," says Dr. Smita Narang, author of Web Vaastu, a new book that marries vaastu laws with the Internet. "Earth is the layout, fire is the color, air is the HTML, space is name of the Web site, and water is the font and graphics," says Narang. Narang, a "vaastu expert" has spent four years analyzing around 500 sites says a Web site that is not designed according to vaastu rules will have few hits and will negatively affect the business.

Here's some more wisdom from another practicioner -- "A Web site where the colors hurt your eyes, the music offends your ears or has too much information is probably too cluttered and does not give a positive flow of ch'i," says Vikram Narayan, a Mumbai-based feng shui practitioner. The trick, Narayan said, is to remove things in your life or on your Web site that serve no purpose, and keep those things that serve you well.

Thanks Vikram. You're a regular Einstein.

This is not Vaastu for websites as much as another great way by some cunning Indian to rip off someone else. A good graphic designer or web developer will help you lay out your site properly and in line with vaastu or whatever eastern theories you believe in. Don't be taken in by these efforts and give these people your hard earned money.

Why are Gujaratis so cheap?

2006-06-27T14:55:00.000-07:00

Kem cho sucka? As the story goes, "The operators of a small roadside café in the mountains of Norway suddenly found themselves occupied by two busloads of tourists from India over the weekend. The only thing they bought from Støfring was one cup of hot chocolate and some bananas." The Indians, presumably Gujarati, began to use the kitchen to warm up their own food. The one consolation in this story is that they brought their own plates so at least this guy didn't have to wash up after these folks. This Norwegian cafe owner has definitely managed to get some good public relations material out of this so it's probably helped his business, but it's less than ideal that our brethren act so miserly especially when traveling abroad.

My serious question to everyone is Why are Gujaratis so darn cheap?

Btw, I know the story never says that they were Guju. But after conferrring with friends, Gujarati and non-Guju, it was unanimous that this is def a Guju bunch?

10 things I hate about India

2006-06-27T13:18:00.000-07:00

Frenchman bitches about India. Claude Arpi makes some decent points in his column about the 10 things he hates about India. It pains me to give any compliments to the French because of my general disdain for them as an Indian-American. While it is annoying when a foreigner writes about things he hates, some of his points are valid and well-known to anyone Indian or who has visited the country. Although 10 things I'd change about India would be a better title.

His hates in order are:

1. Power cuts - agreed
2. Indian babus aka the bureacrats - agreed
3. No access to historical documents - agreed although I don't really care
4. Discrimination against the white tourist - I'll address below
5. Paranoia about maps - weird but if true, I'd agree
6. Photographs - agreed. Had my camera seized at Jodhpur airport when snapping a pic with me and my masiji. She presented some national security risk which I was unaware of.
7. Politicians - agreed. Hopefully when the current group of monkeys die of (who represent the majority), the new young breed may be better.
8. Neglect for the environment - I'll address below
9. Traffic - agreed
10. Corruption - agreed

As for discrimination against the white tourist, I think more former colonies should learn from India and do this. This is basically a tax for prior barbarism that countries like France, England, Portugal and Spain executed on the rest of the world. And to a degree payback (albeit immaterial) for the riches plundered from the likes of India, China, Africa, etc. It's amazing that jewels from India remain on display in London. That's like me stealing something from someone and then displaying it and charging others to see it. Why you wouldn't return something you've stolen is beyond me. Unfortunately, the Japanese and the like all get roped into this price increase but in a world where white people have been amongst the biggest thieves, murderers, etc, paying a little extra to chill at the Taj or Oberoi is hardly commensurate payback. Plus, white tourists pay more and actually get better service than Indians staying at the same places. The exact opposite as I recall when flying Air France. I sat in business class and was treated with disdain from the snotty French who exhibited more overt racism than I've seen in a long time.

As for care of the environment, Claude again is a bit wrong. The west represents very little of the world's population but consumes a huge amount of its resources. Global warming and the like is not due to India, but to the USA and other western countries who've developed with little regard for the environment. Now that India is emerging on the world stage, why should they be held to a different standard? Because the western countries have already done their damage and now it's wrong. I'm not advocating that ruining the environment by India is a good thing, but one should keep things in perspective. The current environmental predicament the world finds itself in is not due to the developing world but due to the West and their wreckless policies of the past and even today.

Delta to start flying direct from NYC to Mumbai - Hallelujah

2006-06-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

Finally, a direct flight from NYC to Mumbai. Let's hope that the Delta staff aren't as rude to Indians as the Air France folks. I'll be sure to fly this at some point and let everyone know. And hopefully Delta can figure out a way to make money on this route since they seem incapable of running a profit-generating business.

Emraan Hashmi wants to kiss in the air - For 2006, this Hindustan Times piece wins the award for absolutely most retarded subject matter

2006-06-23T05:02:00.000-07:00

Newspapers appealing to the lowest common denominator. I like Emraan Hashmi. He is a terrible actor and his movies suck but usually there is a good song or two. And Emraan gives me hope that a slightly above average looking dude like myself can get into Bollywood and make out with some certified hot-ass Indian girls.

That said, this article which appeared in the Hindustan Times is so utterly useless, I had to say something. The crux of the article is about the fact that our boy Emraan has had some provocative kissing scenes (by Indian standards) on land and underwater and how he is looking forward to doing a kiss in the air. This is news?

First of all, when Emraan kisses on land, he is kissing "in the air" but basic facts aside, why would a supposedly decent newspaper publish utter crap like this? The serial kisser as the press likes to call him had this to say -- "I have kissed on land and have done similar things under water too (in the film Gangster). Now all that is left is doing the same in air. I think the best way would be doing it by hanging from a hot air balloon," states Emraan. Great quote E.

BTW, why is kissing so taboo in Bollywood? As a country, it's obvious we like to have sex. Why the prude view on kissing?

P.S. Malaika Sherawat is pretty damn hot.

The Great Khali shows us Indians are good at sports after all - Fake sports

2006-06-20T19:33:00.000-07:00

If only professional wrestling was an Olympic sport. 7'3" Dalip Singh recently joined World Wrestling Entertainment as the Great Khali. While his profile on the WWE's website is full of ridiculously stereotypical lines like "The Great Khali has walked the jungles of India unafraid of pythons and wrestled White Bengal tigers" we are proud to see a fellow Desi kick some ass even if it's not real ass-kicking going on. Since we can't seem to get our act together or possess athletic talent for major sporting events like the Olympics or World Cup, my hope is that India will at least have the heavyweight champion of a fake sport to call their own. Whatcha gonna do when the Great Khali runs wild on you?!?

Mumbai residents say fuck you very much

2006-06-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

Mumbai is the rudest city on the planet. A recent survey deemed Mumbai the rudest city in the WORLD. "The survey used three tests to take stock of the politeness factor -- dropping papers in a busy street to see if anyone would help, checking how often shop assistants said "thank you", and counting how often someone held a door open." Is anyone surprised at this? Mumbaites are always in a rush. To go where is unknown.

Desi Diarrhea goes big time - Our first advertisement

2006-06-13T19:29:00.000-07:00

Advertising my blog - that's so un-bloglike. So last week, I plunked down $75 to buy some advertising for Desi Diarrhea. Cuz I genuinely think people should read the crap (pun intended) that I'm writing. And so I bought a spot on The Crorepati. Some of my blog brethren have said that what I'm doing is wrong -- that blogs should just be found by people and hold their attention and build loyalty that way. I think my blog brothers are just jealous cuz they can't afford to advertise their pathetic blogs else they would. And all I can say is that my blog got an extra 200 unique visitors this past week so it's working. My goal of giving Diarrhea to the world is slowly coming true.

In unathletic India, we have to look upto a 4 year old marathoner

2006-05-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

4 yr old runs 65km. Exploitation and abuse? Budia Singh, a child born in the slums and estimated to be 4 years old, has entered India's Limca Book of Records after running 65km (40 miles) and being deemed the world's 'youngest marathoner'. "Budhia's miserable background as a slum child who was sold by his destitute mother as a toddler for 800 rupees, or $18" had served to enhance his appeal and in typical bandwagon fashion had local politicians falling "over themselves to be photographed next to the child."

However, after his accomplishment and being lauded as a miraculous child and role mole model, "the country's most powerful human rights body launched an investigation into whether the spectacle constituted child abuse."

This story has many twists and turns and is interesting on many levels:

1. As a runner, I can say with no uncertainty that running 40 miles, even for an adult, is not healthy. For a child who is nearly 4 and still developing, this type of exertion is definitely not beneficial. So as to the question of whether this is injurious/abuse, the answer seems to be yes, and his coach should be stopped from doing further damage to the child.

2. Politicians were besides themselves initially trying to personally benefit from Budhia's accomplishments. These same politicians, most of whom drive by poor slum kids everyday with little regard, were quick to jump on the bandwagon when they thought it might make them look good. This type of exploitative behavior is commonplace amongst politicians in general and Indian politicians seem to have taken this to the next level but utilizing/exploiting a child for these purposes is a seemingly low even for this group. And after the human rights uproar, these same politicians have either fallen silent or changed their stances 180 degrees.

3. Budhia's case as stated seems to indicate abuse and exploitation by his coach and politicians, but ironically, it seems that his accomplishments as "India's Forrest Gump" do afford him an opportunity to thrive (albeit his coach and others will probably thrive more and this opportunity would come at a perhaps severe cost to his health) more than a typical slum kid would. A typical slum kid faces little chance of being successful while also facing daunting human rights and societal impediments which go unnoticed by the millions on a daily basis.

4. As the article that appears in the NY Times says, "The case says much about India's thirst for athletic heroes. Despite its population of 1.3 billion, India won just one silver medal in the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens, and beyond cricket, its sporting achievements are limited."

5. Does anyone care about the Limca Book of Records?

Indian Airport Saga II

2006-05-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

Some tips, tricks and tidbits. So I just flew back from Delhi to NYC and had another unique experience. Here are the highlights:

Continental vs AirFrance - I flew on the direct Continental flight from Delhi to Newark in business class. Continental's 14 hour direct service beats any 1-stop trip you can imagine. Additionally, the Continental staff (with the exception of one stuffy old white woman) was pleasant, helpful and not attitude impaired unlike the Air France staff. The business class seats were not that comfortable I must admit relative to Air France, but not a deal killer.
Scam to skip Delhi Airport Madness - So going for the earlier Continental flight does allow you to circumvent some of the madness associated with the later flights out of India. But it's still crazy and chaotic. And so this is where I saw a few industrious and ethically challenged teenagers come with faked injuries (casts/crutches) so they could get wheelchairs and jump right to the front of the security check line as well as got them priority entrance onto the place. This highly brilliant scheme probably saved them 30-45 minutes of waiting time and hassle. The disposal of their props once on the plane did raise some eyebrows, but I do have to applaud their ingenuity.
Indians at airport still don't know how to behave - I still have not figured out the rush that Indian people are in to get on and off the plane. There seems to be some perception that there will not be enough seats on the plane for everyone or that getting off first somehow will get your luggage out sooner or that there is a prize for 1st on or off the plane. None of these are true and your non-deodorant wearing body pressed up against mine is not pleasant so stop f'in pushing.

KKR spearheads largest Indian leveraged buyout ever. This is big.

2006-04-17T11:51:00.000-07:00

A happy posting for a change. I always get feedback that my entries are often negative about India and not the euphoric, crazy for India posts you see in the news and other blogs. So first things first, I'm not negative on India. I love the place, and I think that has insane amounts of potential. At the same time, there are a lot of stupid things going on in India and being done by Indians around the world. If you want to read fluffy b.s. about Aishwarya and India as the next superpower, you probably are at the wrong place.

But that said, this is some good and big news...

Kohlberg Kravis Roberts (KKR), the firm that invented and continues to be amongst the bad-asses in the private equity world just agreed to pay $900 million for 85% for Indian software maker Flextronics Software Systems. The leveraged buy out (LBO) is the largest in Indian history. (Google the term if you don't know what it is).

So this is good news on many fronts:

KKR's recognition of the Indian market is a blue chip endorsement of the country and its companies and will probably spur more private equity investment in India. Other notable PE firms such Blackstone, Carlyle, General Atlantic Partners, Warburg Pincus and Temasek holdings have already established a presence in India as well.
Although India lags behind China and other Asian countries in foreign direct investment, it is doing well in private equity. This is also just another positive sign from a foreign direct investment perspective.
It validates that larger deals can be had in India, those over $100MM.

Managing director of The Asia Venture Capital Journal, Paul Mackintosh put it best "Essentially this deal reconfirms the quality and validity of the opportunities in India. It confirms that Asia in general, and India in particular, is a place the new private equity funds can really put to work on a big scale."

Education Minister proposes removal of mathematics after 8th standard. Perhaps we should make school optional altogether?

2006-04-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

Schools + No Math = Dumbass Kids. I feel like this blog survives because Indian politicians & government types do stupid things that I can write about. The latest comes from Education Minister Professor Vasant Purke who thinks that math (or maths for some of you) be optional after the 8th standard (8th grade for ABCDs).

In lieu of math, the state education department is proposing offering subjects like computer science, agriculture and handicrafts instead. A final decision will only be made "after a huge public meeting to be held next month, where the common man’s opinion will also be sought." Like it or not, the 'common man' of India is not equipped to make these decisions and the education of India's youth should be left to those who know what they are doing. Although from this initiative, it seems that even "those who know" need to go back to school themselves.

So as India tries to become a player in the global community, should an education system that lets students opt out of a core educational requirement of math be allowed? Does the education department really think that someone can do computer science who can't do basic algebra?

The reason for the proposal is students from the city as well as rural areas are sometimes unable to complete their 8th standard because of the difficulty of passing math. According to education department sources, “Maths is the one subject that most students fail in the SSC exam. We are looking at those students who give up studies after failing the subject repeatedly. Day by day the exam burden has increased and students are under tremendous pressure because of maths. Prof Purke has put forward this decision after receiving numerous complaints from parents.”

Not only are parents complaing, but surprise surprise, so are students. One brainiac commented "“Though I was good in science and languages, my results took a beating due to maths. Appearing for other subjects was never a problem but when it came to algebra and geometry I was all at sea. Though I took tuitions I was never able to understand the equations and calculations. I was good at simple mathematics till Std VII but in Std VIII when we were taught formulae I could never comprehend which one to apply where, hence I used to fail in these subjects and gradually lost interest in studies."

(1) "I was all at sea"? Did this kid even pass English? (2) I remember complaining about school subjects, teachers, etc throughout my education. It's part of what students do and this move to remove math is a cop out. Just because I didn't like or was having difficulty with a book we were reading or a mathematical formula doesn't mean it should be changed or removed.

This proposal sounds a bit like a person who breaks his finger and decides to cut off his arm to fix the problem. India needs a rigorous educational system. Requiring math doesn't mean that everyone needs to be a software engineer or financier, but just because you cannot do math doesn't mean you should be thrown into a career in handicrafts or agriculture. There is a lot of room in the middle and hopefully enough sense amongst the powers that be to see this. You just need to look at the US education system to see how a system increasingly less reliant upon the basics - reading, writing & arithmetic ultimately can serve to put a country at a disadvantage.

Is the world not nuts for nuts? Indian Economy Slowdown? Cashew Exports for '05-'06 Down 7% Over Prior Year.

2006-04-16T07:20:00.000-07:00

Better Get Deez Nuts. Everybody's favorite governing body for nuts, The Cashew Export Promotion Council of India (CEPCI), released figures recently that indicated a sizable decline in the last year over the record-breaking '04'-'05 year for cashew exports.

For those interested, "The marginal decline in exports was attributed to the drop in prices during the last quarter of the current fiscal by about 15 per cent and the consequent request from overseas buyers to postpone part of the shipments originally scheduled for March to April-June 2006."

But nut-lovers, you should fear not...

The CEPCI has taken steps to ramp up consumption in states through several 'innovative' measures. Amongst the steps being taken are the following:

1. Two cashew festivals are being organized by other major kaju organizations who are hoping to stop this issue before it reaches epidemic levels.

- The Goa Cashew Manufacturers Association planned an event called Cashew Mahotsav to "attract foreign tourists and was conducted along with the international tourism festival of Goa". My non-Indian friends who were ambivalent about visiting India always would tell me "We'd goto Indian tomorrow if there was a cashew festival." Now they have no excuse.

- The Karnataka Cashew Manufacturers Association also has planned a major promotional event, "the biggest ever in India", named Kaju Fest (what a great name) from April 21 to 24. Tickets are going quick so if you are interested, get them quick.

2. But the strategies are not all about fun and festivals. CEPCI will convene the global buyer-seller meet which will be held at the Kovalam Leela beach resort where cashew importers from over 30 countries will deliberate on the marketing strategies. The hope is that a "a road map for global cashew promotion is expected to emerge out of this meeting".

As good Indians, I implore you to go out and buy a packet of cashews or any product made of cashews. This is a serious business issue facing the country, and we should do our part to help out.

Actor Raj Kumar dies and Indians in Bangalore lose their damn minds

2006-04-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

I hope Amitabh stays healthy (for India's sake). People died in Bangalore as thousands of fans mourned the loss of actor and Kannada screen-icon Raj Kumar. I for one have never seen any of the man's movies because I don't speak more than a couple of dirty words in Kannada, but given the outpouring by fans, this guy must have been good. Cuz if you measure life's achievements by how many people die as a result of your own death, this guy has a lot of people beat.

As of today, six people died while "thousands of angry fans smashed cars, burnt buses and battled with the police on Thursday." The reason -- they were being restricted from seeing the procession or the star at his home.

The city of Bangalore, India's Silicon Valley, also ceased to function normally as virtually every institution, i.e. all MNCs, bio-tech, banks and private companies and state-owned enterprises, educational institutions, markets and restaurants, closed in observance of the actor's funeral and last rites.

1500 IT companies shut down including India's big guns such as Infy and Wipro thereby giving the day off to 300,000 employees in honor of the fallen star.

This is perplexing on many fronts and indicative of many things:

Darker skin pigment = More likely to act like an idiot and/or riot and burn crap. This is probably not a skin color issue (although there seems to be some anecdotal proof of that) and more of a fundamental have vs. have-not issue where those who don't have somehow have been brainwashed to believe that burning a car is in some way going to help them achieve objective. This is like those little Palestinian kids who throw rocks at Israeli tanks. Not only is it pointless, but it's usually you, the rock thrower, who gets hurt.
There are lots of dumb Indians. Yes I read about all the smart Indians making strides in business, politics, art, etc and I'm heartened and hopeful for more successes like theirs, but just given the sheer volume of us as a people, it seems entirely possible that there are more dumb Indians than the total population of the USA (270 million). There maybe more dumb Chinese but they never riot and do stupid things like this. Then again, they may want to but if they were to try to riot, the Chinese government might do mean things to them. But law & order does have its price, right?
Will time actually stop when Amitabh dies? If this was the reaction for a Kannada actor, India is going to be in a world of hurt when the Big B kicks it.
To hell with productivity. How does the hub of the Indian New Economy completely shut down for a day to mourn an actor's death? Name a street or theater after him or something, but the show must go on. I wonder what that one day cost the country and those companies in terms of revenue, profit, etc.

Bollywood willing to help out India. But only if they get paid a lot.

2006-04-08T20:34:00.000-07:00

I love my India (but only for a price). At the recently concluded Commonwealth Games in Melbourne, Australia, an eleven-minute Bollywood extravaganza cost nearly Rs 40 crore ($8.9 million). At the same time, the daily allowance for Indian athletes was reduced by $30.

According to Shoaib Iqbal, deputy speaker of Delhi’s Vidhan Sabha, Rs11 crore was sanctioned by the central government and Rs29 crore was provided by the Delhi government for the ceremony.

Several Bollywood stars who didn't even participate in the 11 minute extravaganza were flown to Melbourne and put up in 5-star hotels courtesy of the fiscally responsible Indian government.

Some of the stars and staff who showed up to be paid all in the name of patriotism included:

Manisha Koirala and Pooja Bedi allegedly who flew in but did not perform.
Aishwarya Rai charged Rs 3 crore (~$675,000) for a few minutes work
Rani Mukherjee charged Rs 2 crore (~$450,000) also charged for a few strenuous minutes of exertion.
Priyanka Chopra and Lara Dutta also charged Rs 1 crore (~$225,000) simply for waving to the crowd.
Hairdressers, make-up artists, and family members and friends were also allowed to get in on the deal with accomodation in luxury hotels to accomodate the stars.

“Though these stars repeatedly said they were glad to be part of Team India, they charged us huge amounts. I have a recording of Aishwarya Rai where she declares that she was participating solely due to her patriotic fervour. Nevertheless, she charged a whopping Rs3 crore to perform for a few minutes," stated Iqbal.

I find this whole escapade disturbing and hilarious on multiple fronts:

One billion people and no Olympic gold medals - As a country, we are either the most athletically uninclined people in the universe or just the most severely underfunded athletic department in the world. China goes to the winter and summer olympics and racks up numerous medals every time. We send a small group of poorly trained 'athletes' to these events on a global stage and come back empty handed everytime. Yes we win medals at the Asian games or the Commonwealth games, but who honestly cares about those? And so now to add insult to injury, our government is throwing money at Bollywood stars instead of building gyms, playing fields, swimming pools, etc. Priorities.
Bollywood stars are full of crap. If you listen to interviews with Bollywood stars, they always seem to say the right thing about a movie or their love of India, but this is proof positive that in the end, it comes down the almighty Rupee (or dollar). It's particularly appalling with someone like Aishwarya who acts all righteous in her media interviews but then can ask for absurd amounts of money for a few minutes of work.
Some Indian government officials have the IQ of monkeys. I can think of at least a couple million better uses of nearly $9 million when it comes to India. It's good to see our politicians putting so much thought into how they expend the country's resources. After all, all the fault doesn't lie with the Bollywood stars as if someone wanted to give me hundreds of thousands of dollars for a few minutes work, I wouldn't say no either.

Homer Simpson Heads To Bangalore

2006-04-06T12:33:00.000-07:00

Even American cartoon character jobs are getting outsourced to India. In this week's episode of The Simpsons titled "Kiss, Kiss Bang Bangalore", Homer's nuclear power plant gets outsourced to Bangalore and he is sent there to train the new staff. In typical Homer fashion, the power of his new position goes to his head and lands him in trouble.

This is truly a sign that India has made its way into the American mainstream - it's psyche, imagination and now its pop culture. Although I'd imagine there will be plenty of stereotypical representations of India and Indians in the show, if we can laugh at ourselves, this should prove to be quite entertaining.

Indian politicians want investigation of wardrobe malfunctions

2006-04-05T23:47:00.000-07:00

Politician-donkey comparison seems appropriate. Since there is not enough for politicians in India to concern themselves with, the hypocritical and attention seeking Shiv Sena have decided that a formal inquiry into the wardrobe malfunctions that occurred during Lakme Fashion Week require some more examination. With one model's top coming off and another's zipper coming undone, the brilliant Shiva Sena types insist something must be done to bring the offending fashion designers and models "to justice." Perhaps sending some of these Shiv Sena types to a fashion show where they see some flesh might lighten them up a bit and get them to focus on some issues that are actually of importance to the vast majority of Indians.

Indian politicians compared to donkeys. Why are we insulting donkeys?

2006-04-04T17:20:00.000-07:00

What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic? A textbook in Rajasthan has come under fire after it made comparisons between donkeys and politicians. Politicians have complained and as a result the offending chapter will be deleted.

The book has been in use for more than a year. Amazingly, a comparison between donkeys and women didn't raise any objections. As someone about to get married, I particularly liked this passage which I will share with my fiance. "Donkeys, like Indian wives, can go hungry and thirsty but continue working... but whereas the wife keeps nagging the donkey does not complain. When she gets angry she starts a non-cooperation movement and threatens to go back to her parents, but the donkey never gets upset and serves its master faithfully." We look forward to our next bunch of leaders and wife-beaters to emerge from this esteemed institution of higher learning.

Wardrobe malfunctions at Lakme Fashion Week - Awesome

2006-04-01T17:30:00.000-08:00

Show us your boobies! The conservative religious zealot types in India are going to have a field day with the wardrobe malfunctions at the Lakme Fashion week. The runway saw some busted zippers, swatches of fabric getting detached and some models trying desperately to keep their clothes in place.

Model Gauhar Khan had a skirt zipper that gave way. Everyone was treated to some cool fashion and a nice shot of Gauhar's ass (very nice). During Mandira Wirk’s show, portions of some outfits fell off and the models had to hold their skirts in place because the buckles were unfastened.

I'm not sure why you'd buy clothing from these designers. If they are not going to stay together during a show made to highlight and market them, I wonder how they'll do off the ramp. We are saddened, however, by the fact that we couldn't be there to see the gratuitous flesh shots. Glad to see India getting more into the skin biz.

Aishwarya Rai is UGLY!!!!

2006-03-31T10:56:00.000-08:00

Ok we don't mean that. We thought that headline would get people reading. But we must say the coverage of Aishwarya Rai in India is pretty disgusting and overly flattering. If you Google News her, every headline is "Why Aishwarya Rai rocks" or "Aishwarya is the best" or "Aishwarya cures young boy of cancer". It's a bit much. She is a hot chick - no doubt, but writing an article to praise her really isn't journalism.

We also must question Ash's business sense. She picked Bride & Prejudice over doing the romantic comedy Hitch with Will Smith (Can anyone say bad career move?) and now she maybe missing out on another opportunity to work with Smith because of a scheduling conflict with an Indian movie. Bollywood movies will come and go but Will Smith (International Star) ain't going to keep coming back if Ms. Aishwarya keeps dissing him.

Lastly, Ash if you are reading this, we didn't mean what we wrote in the headline. And yes, we are still on for lunch on Saturday.

Fat Indian girl wins against weight loss center

2006-03-31T10:27:00.000-08:00

Hey Motu! Put the gulab jamun down! A woman successfully sued a weight loss center in Ahmedabad when she failed to lose weight as they'd told her she would. As a result, a consumer protection agency in Ahmedabad ruled that Anju Chajjer (the fattie) should get a refund of fees plus damages. We find this troubling because unless the center had a money back guarantee, we don't think regulatory bodies should get involved in these matters. As it is, Indian women are not very health conscious and so it is hard to know if Anju was eating butter naans all day long or not. If the weight loss center was ineffective, word would get out and market forces would eventually cause for it go under. This type of intervention on behalf of fat people especially we find troubling.

Kingfisher Airlines' staff is not that attractive

2006-03-30T13:30:00.000-08:00

Good airline. Overrated staff. So I flew Kingfisher Airlines for the 2nd time after hearing all the hype about how goodlooking their staff of air hostesses is supposed to be. (note: I didn't choose them for this reason although since their rates were competitive, the allure of pretty girls did put them over the top) And I have to admit, I've been pretty underwhelmed with the group's beauty. They are not that good looking. Aside from the short skirts which you don't normally see in India, they are slightly above average - not the "Aishwaryas in the Air" that I was hoping for. Perhaps the short skirts distract people from their faces. Then again, I've only been on 2 flights and maybe all the hot ones were just taking the day off. And quite honestly, they were a bit overly nice. Asking if I wanted a mint one second, and a towel the next and a cookie the next. I just wanted to read without interruption. But that maybe just me.

Overall though, I do like the airline. And I think Vijay Mallya definitely is a model for a new type of Indian CEO. Someone who does things with a little flair. And I'd guess that Kingfisher maybe one of the first consumer oriented companies to build a brand outside of India. They are expecting to go public soon (next 5 months) which is fairly soon as compared to their launch one year ago. So continued best wishes to the airline. If they can bring on some hotter air hostesses in the interim, they'd have a fan for life in me.

India makes strides in HIV prevention. Still using condoms as balloons however.

2006-03-29T16:54:00.000-08:00

Before we have sex, please put on this balloon. HIV infection rates have fallen by a third in the worst hit regions of south India according to recent research. The figures show safe sex awareness campaigns can have a dramatic impact. Still the problem is not small with more than five million people are living with HIV in India, and 75% of them in the southern states.

Researcher Professor Prabhat Jha stated, "There have been many predictions, mostly based on guesswork, that India's Aids problem will explode - as it did in southern Africa - but we now have direct evidence of something positive."

This is all good news. The only thing troubling us is the picture above with 2 men blowing up condoms. We hope that sex education in India is not about trying to distract men from having sex by having them play with condom balloons. As that is probably not sustainable.

Hrithik Roshan's son - does he have 6 fingers too?

2006-03-29T16:38:00.000-08:00

Stop with all the Bollywood'esque drama Hrithik. So Mr Roshan had a son with his wife Susanne. This kid is going to get a lot more girls by the time he is 16 than I've gotten in my entire life so good for him.

But his papa Hrithik has got to lay off the corny, sentimental quotes a bit. In one article, he says the following overdramatic lines. These are good for Bollywood - not for real life.

Talking about being away from his wife shooting Dhoom 2 in Rio -- “And though we shot a really cool song in that exotic location in Rio, my heart was completely at home. I can't describe how it felt to be there in Rio knowing that the baby can come any moment. It was like being all packed and ready for a holiday to paradise. But this was one journey (fatherhood) from which I was not going to come back. So I was torn between these two extreme emotions of ecstacy and utter apprehension.”

I'm sure he wasn't having that bad of a time in Rio. Have you seen the women there??

And he follows this up with more melodrama:

“The journey towards fatherhood is the biggest bliss a man can experience,” he adds. “I started feeling the change within me nine months ago. And now I feel that the journey has finally culminated. I've never felt happier. This is the most perfect experience of my life.”

And it doesn't stop there. It gets better.

“Now that he has come, I feel a strange sense of peace within myself. It's as if there's suddenly more of Susanne to love. The baby is an extension of her, and I just feel as though my world has become more spacious, happier.”

Wow Hrithik! You really know how to exaggerate. In any case, congrats to you and the other hundreds of thousands who had babies in India today.

Aborting female fetuses lands doctors in jail

2006-03-29T14:56:00.000-08:00

The Indian male staring problem is making sense. A doctor in India and his assistant have been sentenced to two years in jail for revealing the sex of a female foetus and then agreeing to abort it. It's good that India is cracking down on this type of female infanticide esp since the educated classes (i.e. doctors) should not be willfully promoting this type of behavior.

It is estimated that 10 million (MILLION!!) may have been terminated in India in the last 20 years. This is also leading to an imbalance in the male:female ratio in India. The national average is 927 women to 1,000 men. The northern states of Punjab and Haryana have some of the worst gender ratios in India. There are about 861 women for every 1,000 men in Haryana. It's therefore not surprising that women do feel threatened/unsafe in places like Gurgaon (Haryana) where there is such an imbalance. Not to mention that this future lack of females is only going to worsen the state of Indian male repression.

India will be the world's biggest superpower

2006-03-29T06:59:00.000-08:00

But only if we fix Delhi airport. There is general euphoria and exuberance about India right now. For good reason. But these types of prognostications do seem to be a bit ahead of themselves -- "It is going to be India's century. India is going to be the biggest economy in the world. It is going to be the biggest superpower of the 21st century" by Clyde Prestowitz, president of the think tank Economic Strategy Institute and one of America's top foreign trade experts. Not to be a pessimist as I certainly hope this is true, but without a doubt, India has major issues it is still battling.

There is still a massive divide between the rich and poor. India is still the backoffice of the world and hasn't made the move (on a large-scale) to originator of new technologies and services nor does it have many world-class brands. Corruption is still quite rampant. Cows roam the streets. And did I mention, the Delhi Airport is terrible.

Question: Repressed Indian men and their staring problem. Why?

2006-03-28T07:38:00.000-08:00

Me so horny. I came across this website called Journey Woman, and it basically provides travel tips to women traveling in foreign countries. And for India, it is not the most flattering picture - catcalls, guys trying to make advances and touch, grab, etc.

And so this got me thinking about my recent trip to India. As I walked with my fiance, I noticed how intensely guys will stare at an attractive girl even if she is with a guy. Here are my observations on this matter which I welcome feedback on:

It is indisputable that the vast majority of Indian guys (young and uncles as well) are extremely repressed. Most of the young ones have never been within 2 feet of a pair of real breasts (mom doesn't count) and the uncles are probably bumbling fools in the bedroom so I do understand the allure of seeing any female. It's the nature of the stares which is troubling to me.

There are two distinct types of starers.

1. The Professional Stare (i.e., the IT, BPO-walas) - These are stares of resignation and defeat. A sad looking "I wish I could have a girlfriend" type of stare. Harmless, pathetic and somewhat funny.
2. The Worker Stare (i.e. the chai, unemployed-walas) - Amongst the worker/poorer classes, it is more troubling because it is a more lascivious, threatening type of look. There was a study done some time ago in the USA where men were asked if they could get away with raping a girl and nobody would ever know, would they do it? I think something like 40-50% said yes. I'd venture to say that it would be much much higher in parts of India.

I also noticed that the staring and catcalling was much worse in Delhi vs Mumbai. I talked to a friend of mine at Google and he mentioned that 80% of the searches originating in India are for pornography. WOW!

Anyone have any thoughts on the above? What will make this improve? Are the vast majority of Indian men going to be in this perennial state of repression for the foreseeable future? Mumbai better than Delhi? How about Bangalore men? Chennai? Would a more sexually liberated society be good or bad for India?

Indian Muslim divorces wife in sleep

2006-03-27T15:04:00.000-08:00

Islamic law is just so logical. An Indian couple has been ordered by Muslim clerics to separate after the man uttered "talaq" or divorce three times while asleep. Muslim clerics issued a fatwa [religious decree] asking the couple to live separately immediately after the news reached the local mosque. However, the couple, now legally divorced, insist that they are still in love and do not want to live apart. They have been married for 11 years and live with three children in a village north of Kolkata, capital of West Bengal. Although the couple wants to remain together, the clerics have ordered the woman to marry and spend a night with another man during a separation period before the couple can remarry.

Why India honors Muslim laws on marriage, divorce and property while its Hindu majority follows a British-inherited system on civil matters is beyond me, but this story is beyond ridiculous.

It does have me thinking, what if I utter "sex with two women" in my sleep 3 times. Will my fiance be obligated to provide that to me? If the answer is yes, I can see some merits in this whole Muslim law thing.

My not so excellent adventure part II: Nightmare in Paris

2006-03-27T14:44:00.000-08:00

Boycott Air France. We arrived in Paris late and missed our connection to NYC. Of course, the French staff are rude beyond belief as only the French can be. I do acknowledge that Indian passengers can be a bit unruly. We, especially, the non- or less-English speaking of our people tend not to be very polite. We always seem to stand up before the flight has come to a complete stop to get our stuff because I guess there is some race and prize to get off the plane first which I have never heard about. BUT that said, if you are willing to take our money, wipe the smug French look off your face, smile and provide the same service you'd provide to your smelly countrymen.

Needless to say, I waited in Paris for 8 hrs before taking off for NYC. During this flight, I had diarrhea (how appropriate for this blog). I'm sure my every 1/2 hour runs to the loo provided amusement to other travelers. In the flight from Paris to NYC, I visited the bathroom 11 times. I think that is some sort of Guiness Book Record so we are reaching out to them to see if I might be included.

Total travel time 29 hours door to door. Over one day of my life lost vomiting, battling exhaustion, shitting and smelling and dealing with the French. Memorable.

My not so excellent trip back from Delhi to NYC

2006-03-27T14:22:00.000-08:00

Chaos reigns in Delhi. I like New Delhi for the most part. But Indira Gandhi International Airport is a national Indian tragedy. I flew out of there on Sat, March 25 to New York via Paris, and it felt like 80% of India was at the airport. No order, no system - just chaos and thousands, no millions, of people. Luckily, the Government has selected a consortium led by the GMR group to develop the Delhi airport, but this cannot happen soon enough.

My experience at the airport was made worse by the fact that I was dehydrated and fainted while in the customs line. While I don't know their names, I'd like to thank the uncle with the hat who gave me some water, the shaved bald doctor (I think) with his kids and wife who immediately took action when I passed out and the older British woman (another doctor I believe) who assured me it was just dehydration and not the Bird Flu (thankfully). The airport doctors were also pretty helpful as was the guy who pushed my wheelchair through security and to the airplane.

Once I finally got on the plane, I'd like to acknowledge the generally unpleasant and smelly French couple who I sat next to who seemed upset by the fact that I was ill. During this trip, it dawned on me that the French are generally a pretty bitter and unhappy lot who I don't particularly care for (that's another blog entry though).

As soon as I sat on the plane and was seated, I proceeded to vomit into a air sickness bag but also missed a bit and had vomit all over my shirt. The prospect of festering in my own vomit from New Delhi to NYC was not pleasant, BUT thanks to my wonderful fiance, I had an extra set of clothes in my hand luggage which I could change into to feel a little less disgusting.

We then took off and I passed out (on purpose) and awoke in Paris.

Desi Diarrhea - Now don't you feel better?

2006-03-27T14:16:00.000-08:00

My sisters and friends have suggested I use a different name for this blog. It came down to Desi Vomit or Desi Diarrhea - neither of which was highly liked. Alliteration won out in the end.

As the name implies, this blog, like diarrhea will be an uncontrollable look at anything and everything Indian. There are a few contributors, and we hope that we can amuse, anger and/or inform you. Of course, your suggestions, fan or hate mail are welcome and encouraged.